Cue Several Things That Make No Sense

Friends don't let friends make commercials drunk...ergo the people who made this commercial don't likely have any friends. I don't even know where to start so I guess we'll just go in order.

1. The party: Who throws a party the first weekend they move in? Why wouldn't this dude just wait until he was settled the following weekend to throw it? "Hey guys, just moved in to my apartment 5 minutes ago, wanna come over and drink? Don't mind the cardboard boxes everywhere and we can set up the 2 bottles of Jose Cuervo that I got for the party on my dresser."

Conclusion: This guy clearly just moved out of his parents' house and is 27 years old and couldn't wait to throw a party, as evidenced by the complete lack of preparation and patience.


2. Guy on the sofa: Why is he sleeping? Did he hit the Cuervo early on and already passed out? I find this unlikely because at any normal party there would be at least like 2 people screwing with him since he passed out with his shoes on. On top of that, the guy is way too light of a sleeper for being a passed out drunkard if he was actually startled awake like that. If he isn't drunk, does that mean he was so exhausted from carrying that couch upstairs the he immediately fell asleep before the party started? If he knew there was going to be a party, wouldn't he opt to sleep elsewhere? If he isn't drunk and didn't fall asleep before the party started, did he fall asleep during the party? Who would go to a party and just decided that they wanted to go to sleep in the middle of everything?

Conclusion: There's a reason he's called the "guy that brought the couch up" and not "the friend that brought the couch up." He is obviously a homeless guy who was promised a ham sandwich if he helped this guy with moving and the homeless guy talked his way into earning a night on the couch. Maybe a hot shower too.


3. The best housewarming gift ever: So this girl just walked into the apartment without knocking or anything? I guess I missed the sign on the door that said "no strangers unless you're a pretty girl in pajamas and will immediately flirt with me upon barging in." Honestly though, who would just walk into a complete stranger's party in their pajamas and look like they're happy to be there? Now if this girl walked in to say "tell your loud friends to shut the hell up" it would make complete sense but it's obvious that isn't the case.

Conclusion: She is referred to as a "gift" because she actually is an escort purchased by a friend as an actual housewarming gift. She's about to say "I heard you just moved in all by yourself and you're used to mom and dad in the room across the hall when you sleep...want some company tonight?"


4. The couple that got off on the wrong floor: Why exactly did they get off on the wrong floor? Do they live in the building and forgot to take their medication and have no idea where they are? Are they supposed to be visiting someone in the building but just decided they didn't want to anymore and would rather drink tequila with a bunch of kids 40 years younger than them?

Conclusion: Someone is going to be very confused in the morning when they get a voicemail that says "Hi John, this is your grandma Gladys. Just wanted to let you know how much fun we had at your engagement party last night. I hope you liked the blender, we should have used it with all that Cuervo we threw back! I know this isn't my place to say, but I didn't think your fiance was very presentable last night. Who doesn't change out of their pajamas when they have guests over?"


5. The Cuervo: I would love to go to a party that had two bottles of Cuervo as the only thing to drink. I would love it even more if there were just shot glasses and nothing to mix/chase the tequila with.

Conclusion: Hold on, I've got to make myself a margarita after I had to watch this commercial six times to write this post.

AT&T Reception vs. Their Commercials: Which is Worse?

Today we welcome back AT&T for another appearance. In the commercial failure hall of shame, AT&T is definitely a first ballot hall of shamer (but not the MVP, that honor obviously goes to values.com). Just as with every commercial pretty much ever, we are presented with our male protagonist being an idiot.

But this idiot has AT&T so his idiocy will be masked by his network's awesome ability to allow him to talk and use the internet at the same time! Wow! Did you just see that? Wait, what did we just see? He saved what, 10 seconds by googling a place to get a reservation while in the process of getting off the phone? Who is watching this commercial with their Verizon iPhone and is thinking "damn, I hope that never happens to me since my phone can't do that?"

AT&T has a few commercials that are based on this same premise of talking and browsing at the same time (and rightfully so since it's about the only advantage they have over Verizon). I imagine their marketing team sat down and brainstormed situations where you would need to be able to use the internet while on the phone at the same time...and you're telling me this was one of the best ideas they had? Why couldn't the guy have been on a business call and gotten an email from his wife asking about dinner? Why couldn't the guy had been on the phone with a potential client and needed to look up some key information about the client while on the phone?

One last thing: If this guy is so tech savvy with his iPhone and making reservations online, why is he sitting in a conference room without a computer and writing out notes?

Trading Logic For Simplicity

So you're looking to buy a car eh? What kind of car are you thinking about? A sedan? An SUV? A truck? A great first question to consider. So you want an SUV? Ok, I can understand that. That brings you to the next decision: what color do you want? That's only natural right? I know when I buy a car I'll be looking for a black coupe. Brand? Model? Year? Who cares, as long as it's the right color it doesn't matter. My friend told me he wanted to buy a 2008 Honda Civic 4 door with a manual transmission and a moonroof and I just laughed at him. Who is that picky about about something they're going to use every day for years?