The Great Super Bowl Commercial Bitch-off, Part 2

A few more thoughts on the USA Today rankings. Apparently this panel consists of only "282 adult volunteers in Bakersfield, CA, and McLean, VA." And all the media outlets place such credence in these ratings why again? I can't speak to McLean, VA, but I can almost assure you that there's no way they found more than 20 sober people in the city of Bakersfield to participate in this.

Given the history of the successful ads of the past, why doesn't every single commercial use cheap physical comedy or human-like animals for their spot? It's clear that's all you need to do to garner high approval ratings. Combine the two (the Doritos pug ad) and you land the top spot! At least relying entirely on star power and having little to no substance (like the Adrien Brody, Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber, or Glee cast ads) landed you near the bottom of the rankings. Moving on...



I bet Groupon actually came up with a way better idea for this commercial but they didn't have enough time to film and produce it. It probably went something like this:

Arid Egypt. One of the most wondrous lands in the world. This is Timothy Hutton. The people of Egypt are in trouble. Their very outlet for culture is in jeopardy....but they still riot like crazy in the streets! And because 200 of us bought at groupon.com we're each getting a $30 credit on our internet bill for $15 so we can watch the riots on YouTube!

Super obvious things here that make no sense: So everyone at the restaurant (including these two) are all drinking wine and this girl orders a Pepsi Max? Who drinks wine and soda together? What kind of fine dining restaurant even serves Pepsi Max? If they do, why do they serve it in a can? Is that some kind of shame tactic to deter people from drinking soda in their establishment? And why are these two conversing via ESP when we previously learned the best way to communicate on a first date is via facebook?



You know what really annoys me at the gym? All those shirtless personal trainers who are such showoffs at the gym. Oh wait, I'm pretty sure that never happens.



Eminem doesn't do commercials...except for, you know, that other one he did that aired an hour later. I'm sure this is what happened:

Lipton Guy: What do you mean you're doing another commercial?!
Eminem: Yeah I'm doing one for Chrysler, it's actually a lot better than yours.
Lipton Guy: Maybe people won't notice our commercial says you don't do commercials even though you actually did one in the flesh rather than the claymation junk you made us do. Maybe we'll get lucky and ours will air first?

...And they did get lucky. It would have been a lot funnier the other way around.



Ladies and gentlemen, your USA Today worst rated commercial! Hydudai might as well have taken the $9 million they spent on dumb commercials this Sunday and dropped it from a plane over Cowboys stadium before the game and they would have generated more positive press. They made all these claims about how compact cars don't have to be compact or boring. So what all did we learn about the new Hyundai? It gets 40 MPG. Oh. Learned a lot guys, thanks. Usually cars that are exciting have prominent features past solid MPG. It's ok though, I'm sure the car is great like you say!

The Great Super Bowl Commercial Bitch-off

I know so many of you (read: 2 people) were clamoring for a live blog during the super bowl yesterday, but my distaste in pretty much 98% of the commercials would have been an overload of work for me that I probably would have missed the entire game. Instead, I'll go through all the commercials on youtube and pick out the ones that irritated me the most. I'm hoping to keep that number under 20 commercials but we'll see...and we're off!



This spot left me asking one thing: "why?" Why do you need to see Adrien Brody singing to want to buy Stella Artois? Why do we only see the beer on like 3 occasions? Why is he singing in Frenglish? (Engrench? You get the point, let's move on). Why does Stella think some guy who is ignoring every woman in the bar is a good spokesman for their beer? Why have I never tried Stella before when it appears to be kind of popular? And why oh why did this commercial have to be 60 seconds?! Someone please tell me why this commercial has a better message by being 60 seconds instead of 30 seconds...So we can hear more near incomprehensible singing with about 6 total seconds of the beer being on screen? Stella could have given me the $3 million they spent for that extra 30 seconds and the commercial would have been no less "successful."



Wow, saying something inappropriate in a work email and hitting "reply all?" That's awful! You would definitely be fired! Stealing co-workers' laptops and phones? Naw, you'd probably just get a slap on the wrist for that.



According to USA Today, this was the best commercial of the super bowl. I'm not gonna say it was a terrible commercial, but it was pretty pedestrian. It's a sad state of affairs when this commercial is considered "the best" by the public...this is really the best we can do? To make matters even worse, the commercial was made by a "31-year-old part-time designer of websites for kids." So all the companies in America spend the most time and money to put together what they consider to be their strongest commercials of the year and they get beat by an amateur. That's embarrassing.



This was definitely the dumbest thing advertised yesterday. Has anyone honestly ever thought to themselves "I wish my phone would read me my facebook news feed?" There's no way. Isn't having it on your cell phone enough? I'm pretty sure I would veer into oncoming traffic if my car if it was telling me things like "I'm so hungry. FML" and "Don't want to study lol" in a robotic voice.

There are so many other things wrong with this commercial. It seems like these two are perfect for each other because they're way too into using facebook and I'm not even talking about the fact that the guy owns a car that includes facebook. First off, why are they already facebook friends prior to their first date? I think that's a little premature. Then she immediately updates her facebook status after kissing him? If I'm this guy, I'm showing up to the next date an hour late and making her split the dinner check with me just because I can.

One last side note: I HATE people like Jennifer French who post status updates for the primary benefit of one person. Why do you need to share something with everyone that you really just want one person to see? JUST SEND HIM A FREAKING MESSAGE IF YOU WANT HIM TO KNOW.


That last one took a lot out of me...more to come later.